Kinkajou: So how do you recognise a social enneagram subtype?
Erasmus: I call “socials” smileys. It is probably the easiest way to recognize them. They can’t help themselves. They react to a smile. They love to smile. No matter what they news there will almost always be a hint of a smile about at least something. They can’t help themselves. They have a thick layer of optimism and opportunism. They just know that everything will turn out right and that people aren’t out to get you.
A self-pres knows nothing of the sort. They can be optimistic, but in a carefully guarded sort of way. Generally, a self-pres won’t smile unless they know you well. They are much more guarded. they have much less optimism about life and everything.
Kinkajou: So how do sexuals in the enneagram act? Any stories?
Erasmus: Probably a great way to show you the difference between a self-pres and a social is to tell you about my friend's mother in- law. She is a social. Much of the rest of the family is not. The family had a birthday function put on by the mother in- law. Then two weeks later, someone else’s birthday was due. The mother in law could not see why everyone would not come to the next social birthday function. The rest of the family could not see why you would bother since, they had only attended one a couple of weeks before.
I.e. Social Vs. self- pres outlook.
Some well known social Activities in Aussie.: Australia Zoo.
Erasmus: Another example was in my friend going on a real estate tour some distance from home. He went with one of my co-workers who was a “social”. I am sure that left up to my friend, he would only have talked to those people with whom he had appointments and only about the business at hand.
In this environment, (out and about networking), a “social” is a real asset. She managed to make friends with just about everybody. The girl waiting the tables was giving her help and advice and swapping contact details. As was the maître D of the restaurant. To me: incredible! I have done the networking stuff. The issue to me was I would if I knew that I had to. If I didn’t need to, the issue was why you would bother talking to all those people. The issue for a “social”, is why wouldn’t you.
Being Sociable - on Tour
The other subtype in this cluster is the Sexual. Sexuals have an orientation somewhere in between. Sexuals favour relationships with people who are close to them or with whom they have had a long association. For a sexual, the family is the cornerstone. Strangers are not unwelcome, but they much more closely relate to people whom they know well.
One of the world's great socials: having met the man. He loves to laugh and joke.
There is another aspect to this. Two of my friend's extended family paired up. They are both Sexuals. They do everything together. They mow the yard together. They go out together. They shop together, the male partner often suggesting to the wife what clothes he would think were particularly attractive. They even made a pact that when it came time to end it all, they would go out together. When another friend's friend's partner told him about this and asked if they should do something like that, (she being a “sexual”), his answer was very definite. NO way. If you go, I ain’t going with you. No suicide pact for me.
Supportive Social GP in Aussie
Kinkajou: Again: self-pres vs. sexual orientation differences.
Kinkajou: The social/ sexual/self-pres subtype of the enneagram are probably more important than are the actual type numbers, when selecting a future partner. The one thing I suppose you can be certain of, is that even though you could live with a number of different types of people, life would indeed be different depending on who you chose.
Erasmus: Yes in my example, the social vs. self-pres approach to life would create stresses in a relationship due to the extreme orientation differences. People in my experience can partner with anyone, but not all partnerships may be as easy. A social and a self-pres have a wide gulf in their preferred behaviours which may be bridged only with continued compromise
Even sexual vs. social outlooks can clash. I know of one woman who was a “social” and married a “sexual” partner. Whenever he wanted some time to himself he would say: “well dear, you haven’t seen Betty in a while” . His partner would then be off. The difference in perspective: why would you see Betty? vs. Why wouldn’t you?
there is a party going on- a social occasion
Goo: And socials do love a party- all the time.
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"Socials" are smileys: they always smile and smile and smile. Often you wonder why.